he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize