Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
