I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
