if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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