He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
