cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He better not be in your backpack
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
