Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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