Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.

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(907): View more from Alaska

the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?

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(513): View more from Ohio

i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.

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(408): View more from California

Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.

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(214): View more from Texas

i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.

(1-214): View more from Texas

you are a true champion. bear my children.

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