You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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