i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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