And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
