I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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