You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
