God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
