Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
