It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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