I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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