the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
