I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
