she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
