I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
