just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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