Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize