And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
