First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
