Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
