i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize