Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
