JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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