theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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