My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
