I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
