I showed him my bush... on skype.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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