my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
