I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
