the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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