Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
