does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
