I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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