im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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