At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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