i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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