I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
