You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
