Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
