we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
