I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
