I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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