i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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