his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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