we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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