I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize