are you so shy because you have an std?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
