I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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