My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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