So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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