i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
