woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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