he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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