We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
