Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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