The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
