you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
