That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
