I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
