He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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