Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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