I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
