You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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