I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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