never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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