Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
