Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
either way he was missing a nipple.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize