I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
