I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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