If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
