Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
