Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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