i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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