Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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