I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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