we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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