So drunk, too bad you don't want this
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
