I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
