he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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