i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
