i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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