please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
