Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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