I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
