seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
