So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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