The maid of honor just puked.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize