I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
