I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
