I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
