Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
