Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
