CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
