Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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